Archive for July, 2009

Kung Fu

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

I signed up last night… roughly $400 for 6 months of Kung Fu lessons, “Access to the Facilities”, and a free, jet-black Okinawan Te-style karate uniform (shiny new white belt included) if I sign up today. Seriously… who could resist?

And this is the real deal… I mean, yesterday they were teaching us the 1,000-year-old Qi Gong hygenic art of sloshing saliva around in our mouths. I guess the Chinese believe that this is superior to toothpaste. :P

In other news… Obama is going to Bribe professor Gates with alcohol (turn off scripting error pop-ups)… good luck with that; I’m still waiting for the movie. (What would I call it? The Hunt: Exposing the Racist Nazi Conservative Fascist White Supremist Stinky Pig State OR: The Fall of an American President: How Barack Obama Lost the War With White America)

And finally, Captain Kirk has come back for the whales.

Posted in blogosphere, combat, discordianism, humor, news, politics, society | No Comments »

Life…

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Is like a bag of apples. Or was it oranges?

I don’t know whether to compare life to apples or oranges.

Posted in humor, wordplay | 1 Comment »

Bumper Stickers

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

On the back end of a Ford Mustang: “This is my other car”

On huge, red Stop Sign: “STOP!!!”,
and in a smaller black typeface below it: “… reading bumper stickers and look where you’re going.”

Next to a picture of a grenade launcher: “PROMISE KEEPER”

On a police car: HONK IF YOU WANT A TICKET

On an SUV: HONK IF YOU LOVE THE EARTH

NO, THAT’S WRONG…
I LOVE YOUR WIFE
QUIT STARING AT MY TAIL LIGHTS
MY FAVORITE STUDENT IS YOUR MOM
I STOP FOR NUT BUNNIES
KILL THE PIG
I WANT A TICKET
PROUD PARENT OF AN ISLAMOFACSIST
STOP INSULTING THE MONKEYS
CHUCK NORRIS IS IN THE TRUNK

Posted in Chuck Norris, discordianism, humor, punk, society, wordplay | 1 Comment »

Johnny’s Gonna’ Die

Monday, July 6th, 2009

Johnny always takes more than he needs
Knows a couple chords, knows a couple leads
Johnny always needs more than he takes
Forgets a couple of chords, forgets a couple of breaks
And everybody tells me Johnny is hot
Johnny needs something that he ain’t got

And Johnny’s gonna die
Johnny’s gonna die
Johnny’s gonna die

Everybody stares and everybody hoots
Johnny always needs more than he shoots
Standing by a beach and there ain’t no lake
He’s got friends without no guts, friends that never ache
In New York City, I guess it’s cool when it’s dark
There’s one sure way, Johnny, you can leave your mark

– The Replacements

Posted in discordianism, friends, frustration, lyrics, music, punk | No Comments »