… you don’t know the difference between football and soccer.
… you remember the Three Stooges, but you don’t remember Saturday Night Live.
… you’re very good at dribbling, but you think it has nothing to do with basketball.
… you think honest Abe was actually honest.
… you can spin wool but you can’t spin yarns.
… you don’t believe in the “separation of church and state” clause.
… you can draw down on a deer and draw up a bath, but you can’t draw a good hand.
… some of your classmates are also your best friends.
… when you travel, your parents request a motel room with no television.
… you think TV is the just a top-level domain for the island nation of Tuvalu.
… you think TV stands for teravolt.
… you go off on someone for a “your mama” joke.
… you think Soda is a modern way of saying that something is stupid. As in, “That is, like, sooo duh.”
… you can tell what country a person is from by which language they are speaking.
… you think the purpose of the Emancipation Proclamation was to free the slaves.
… you think Columbus discovered America.
… you think learning is a hobby.
… you can chop wood, but you can’t chop sticks.
… you have raised 3 children by the age of 10.
… you think America is a country.
… people keep asking you how you managed to get into college, but everyone assumes you are good at math.
… you hang out at Walmart.
… you don’t believe in globalization, but you’ve lived in a foreign country.
… you think George Washington and Benjamin Franklin are burning in hell.
… you’ve ever voted for someone who wasn’t on the ballot.
… you knew how to drive by age 12.
… you want to change the world but you’ve never changed a tire.
… the first thing you think of when you hear the name “Freddy” isn’t a demonic serial killer who eviscerates teen-age girls in their sleep.
… you couldn’t stop laughing at the movie “40-year-old Virgin”… because it was so unrealistic.
… you can explain the chemical compounds in various liquors and their effects on the body, but you don’t know what they taste like.
… stupid people don’t just annoy you… they scare you.
… you can build a house but you can’t build rapport.
… you are the only one in the room who laughs at this joke.
… you think Neo from the Matrix was an archetype of Jesus Christ.
… you’ve never been to jail.
… you know how to milk a goat, but you don’t know how to open one of those milk boxes they give you in the school cafeteria.
… you can think of at least 10 different uses for eccinachea.
… you know the difference between global warming and “catastrophic” global warming, and think the latter is an abstract theory that is still open for debate.
… you think “family planning” means saving up for a 15-passenger van.
… you can grow your own food, but you don’t know how to use a microwave.
… you think of evolution as a “very plausible theory.”
… you have never heard of Bart Simpson. (note: all of these jokes were written by a home-schooler.)
… you’ve never seen “Jurassic Park”… but you loved the book.
… you think Marilyn Manson is a woman.
… the other kids have finally stopped trying to beat you up.
… you discuss marriage, directly or indirectly, on your first date.
… you can name at least 4 US presidents.
… you know the difference between the Communist and Socialist platforms, but you can’t tell the difference between the Socialist and Democratic platforms.
… some of your best friends are Libertarians. 
… none of your best friends are within 10 years of your age.
… you’ve made your first million by the age of 40.
… you buy American cars because you think they are more fuel efficient.
… you felt guilty when you moved out of your parents’ house.
… your weekly grocery bill is around $10,000.
… people keep asking you what your mom does for a living.
… people think your parents are rich, eccentric geniuses.
… you invented at least 3 instant messenger abbreviations that are now in common use. (mine: TTYL, thx, cya, AYK)
… you were visitor number 127 on yahoo.com, back when they had a hit counter… and when you reloaded the page a few seconds later, you were visitor number 128.
… you are are keeping your eyes open for a fashion catalog that explains “missionary style.”
… when someone asks you to come up with three words that start with “beer,” you think of “berate,” “berieve,” and “beurocrat.” The actual word “beer” never enters your mind.
… you think a whiskey is a special kind of broom.
… your sister wears jeans in front of your parents, just for the shock value.
… your brother drops the names of TV shows like “Hannah Montanna” and “Power Rangers” in front of your parents, just for the shock value.
… your cousin celebrates Christmas, just for the shock value.
… someone you know comes to church with spiked hair, just for the shock value.
… you listen to Sandy Patty, just to annoy your parents.
… you still think communism is a Bad Idea.
… you throw away recyclable garbage to help the environment.
… you think deforestation helps the environment.
… you don’t believe that there are holes in the ozone layer.
… you think overpopulation is a categorical impossibilty.
… one of your friends from church joins the military, just for the shock value.
… some of your college professors feel intimidated by your range of knowledge on the subject.
… you know someone who has been to jail for “political crimes.”
… you think everyone should have at least one good conspiracy theory.
… you know the girl who holds the record for the highest SAT score in US history.
… your IQ is higher than her SAT score.
… your liberal friends think you are too conservative.
… your conservative friends think you are too liberal.
… you don’t care.
… you miss Pavaratti.
… you miss K-mart.
… you miss the Cold War.
… you miss your dial-up modem.
… you think Mr. Rogers was on crack.
… you miss Windows 95.
… you hate cos-play, …
… but you tried it anyway.
… you think Africa isn’t a country.
… you won’t buy a cell phone because you’re afraid of “crossing over.”
… you think “social programming” must be a frightening new method for software design.
… your parents didn’t let you watch the Discovery Channel.
… you think Tiger Woods is a national park.
… you make fun of people’s stereo-types about home-school.
And finally, you know you absolutely, positively were NOT homeschooled, if…
… you think any of these things are even remotely true.
–You’ll notice I’ve crossed out the ones that are potentially offensive; if you want to see them anyway, go to www.teknohazard.com/blog–
